Relationship Talk: Not Having S.ex Before Marriage: Is It Advisable?

There is this woman in her 40s who usually sits at the pastor’s office. I noticed she behaves like someone undergoing mental deliverance. I remember few times when church prayer warriors organize special prayers for her. She was healed yesterday and our pastor was happy. I am very close to the pastor. When we were together, in his happy mood he told me what happened to the woman. The woman was a Deeper Life member (this is not intended to paint any set of people bad. This is a real life story. I have to state out all the facts.

Apologies to Deeper Life Christians). She met her man in the same church. They were both virgins based on their Christian values – No sex before wedding. After wedding, she expected the man to start making moves, nothing was happening. The husband is like a serving junior pastor in the church. She started making the moves. And whenever she does, the man was always giving excuses.

“I will minister today, I have to prepare my sermon notes” “Its a prayer night…I want to be clean before God” “Blah blah” The woman could not longer take it. One day, she closed the door, forced herself on him, brought out his pinis, tried to arouse it, nothing happened. That was when the woman started asking questions. After a lengthy argument, he confessed that he is impotent. And he has been keeping it a secret from his wife (A pastor for that matter). This lady is core believer (You know deeper Life people na). She decided to stay. No divorce in Christianity. Once you swore an oath on the alter, you are in it for life. Based on her own believe ooooooo. Not mine. Because some churches may not divorce, but separation is allowed especially when they are endangering their own lives through fights and others. She stayed in the marriage for 20 years.


Her younger sister who got married after her now has 3 kids. She is still single and a virgin. Her ability to bear all this tribulation started running down. She started having mental issues. The first one happened, when her sister was celebrating her daughter’s birthday. They had a little disagreement and she scattered the whole party. When they called family meeting to settle the issue was when she busted out and told her people “Can you Imagine, I am still a virgin”. It was like film trick to the family. Ever since then, she will be walking on the street, talking alone. If you ask her a question, she will be saying something else. To cut the story short, someone brought her to our church.

Where she has been undergoing reform. My pastor summoned her husband. As pastor to pastor. He told him “You are a wicked human being”. “You have sinned against man, and God”. Its true you have a problem. You are a pastor, spill your problem out, let the world help you. You kept it secret and even subjected your woman to a marital bondage for years. You have wasted her life. Where do you want her to start from? The genesis of this no sex before marriage. I am not supporting anyone to engage in premarital sex, however, you need to find a way to know your partner during courtship. Its either you marry an impotent or a sexomaniac. I remember a man that have sex with his wife 8 times a day. Whenever he is coming back from work, his wife will be crying.”

please use the comment box to tell us what you think